750 Great New Ideas!
9 Ways to Lose Body Fat!
7 New Tricks to Eliminate Clutter!
You really can't pass up on that!
See all the Stars with bare bodies and faces!
Read all the latest hot gossip!
Whose dresses were hot, and whose fell flat?
This is too juicy to pass up!
Look at the hottest new hairstyles and makeup!
Buy all the greatest new clothes!
Read your astrology chart—plot your course!
See uber-thin models pose!
I see your glitz, and I see your glamour.
I hear I need a makeover.
My hair and my body, my house and my style
Would make a dead stylist turn over.
I don't measure up to your shiny, slick pages.
But where is your heart and your caring?
What negative junk do you pour out upon us?
And is it so worthy of sharing?
The people I see every day know my heart.
I help them and that makes me smile, too.
I've got 99 ways to encourage my friends,
When THAT's on your cover, I'll buy you.