Thursday, August 31, 2006

Being a Mom Can Break Your Heart

Man, I need to do a catch-up post. So much has happened that I hardly even know how to get my blog going again. But for now I just need to put down in writing what I can't get off my mind.

Caitlin came and found me at school today...I was wrapping up my class and she was on lunch break, and an aide brought her to me because she said she was hurt. So, I helped her with what she needed and brought her back to her class, who had gone out to the playground by then. She cried and hugged me and didn't want to go, and I had a hard time getting her to let go and be a "big girl." I finally convinced her to check in with her teacher, then go play with the kids. I went back into the building and watched her from the window, just to make sure she was ok.

She went and collected a hug from her teacher, and slowly headed to the playground where all the kids were having a good time. Whew, I thought. My little socialite has recovered herself and will join right in. But instead, she ducked underneath the slide and just sat there in the shade, arms hugging her knees, quietly watching kids run past back and forth. Not only for a minute, but for a long time. So unlike her. I wonder what she was thinking. I know she misses her Daddy. I know she thinks spending 7 hours a day away from home is way too long. But it was just so unlike her to not get into the thick of things and become the game organizer, social coordinator, and all-around center of attention.

Finally, another little girl ducked under the slide and sat next to her. They began talking together, and I wished I could hear what they were saying. I said a silent thank-you to God for sending the friendly little girl. Eventually, Caitlin let go of her legs and turned around to talk to the girl face-to-face, and I saw them smiling. Only then was I able to breathe again and leave the window. But I cried on the way home.

Yep. Being a Mom can break your heart.

It makes me think of my 4th grade year. We had moved from Illinois to Texas when I was in 2nd grade, and I never really fit in with the other kids. One day in 4th grade, out on the playground, I was feeling lonely and missing my old friends. I guess I had finally realized I would probably never see them again. Another girl named Wendy, who lived near me, came and sat by me and asked me why I was sad. I told her about the friends I had left behind, and how I was feeling. She sat there the whole recess and talked to me.

The next day, I had a letter in my mailbox. It said something like,

Dear Carol,

Hi! How are you? We are all fine.
We just wanted to let you know we are
all doing good and we miss you.

Love,
Your Old Friends

And the letter smelled like perfume. I was so happy and carried it with me for days. I showed it to Wendy at school and she was really happy for me. We were good friends from then on. Only much later did Wendy confess to me that she had written the letter and put it in my mailbox to cheer me up.

I thank God for putting Wendy in my life at just the right moment. And I also thank Him for showing me today that He is still at work out on the playground.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

Dammit Carol, you made me cry. I hope Rebecca finds a friend as special as your Wendy. That's it, no more wine with dinner. :sniff: